Introductions

Okay, I know that I never post on this site. More like I never post on this site at all. I’ll try to explain why. My word press was created out of this weird necessity for a college course (welcome universe to 21st rhetoric!). I planned on shutting down this blog to open URL space. But after posting small tidbits about random topics with my friends on their blog, I started to read random blogs off my feed. I blame sundayfluke for getting me hooked onto reading blogs, so thank you. Or curse you, I haven’t decided which way to go. But since that point, I have become addicted to reading a lot of blogs online.

But I have noticed that I would wait for weeks and weeks for my favorite bloggers to post. And because I am an impatient, it sucks! Now, I know you all are going to pick on me by saying “well, you don’t post at all!”. So… Here I am? I felt I should contribute to this giant pool of bloggers because I feel it will bring some structure to the confuse mess I call “my life”. But the question is: what the hell to write about? Most of the people I follow have a concrete concept that they stick to for some continuity or flow in their writing. I guess I will figure that out soon enough, but for now… To be continued?
 

If I won the lottery, I would…

I am really sorry for not posting for the last few days. I need to find a better way to remind myself to post… The alarms are not working -__-

Well, if I won the lottery, I would…

One, I would pay off any amount of money I (or my parents) owes to anyone. Yay for a debt free life! (and yes, that includes the $50 that my mom likes to put on her card to obtain extra reward points)

Two, with what ever money I have left after this point would be split 70/30. Seventy would go to myself (Maybe I might buy my own place and decorate it? Backpack the world? Take my nephew to Laser Tag?) and thirty would go to some charity organization that I believe needs the money at that time.

Wow, I sound so cheesy

Least favorite words

My least favorite words…

1. Can’t-  this word aggravates me because it implies that I don’t have the ability to do that task or action. While that gets me in more trouble than it should, I refuse to let someone tell me my limit.
2. wrong-  I despise this word because it implies that everything is black and white. People have different perspectives on everything in life, and I agree that conflict is a natural part of the life cycle. But to say that my perspective differs from the next person does not make it “wrong”.
3. Moist- Just because it sounds gross!

Smacked by reality

I guess that reality of entering the “real world” slammed into my face today. One of my favorite quotes in my quote book defined moments in my life after high school.

“I am not where I want to be, but thank god I am not where I used to be.” 

I guess time must turn, and certain beliefs must alter with changes. But, is it necessary to change? My largest fear steams from my loss of self; the person I became due to my experiences in college. My desires in life do not fit this cookie cutter mold. And it is frustrating…

Because I divided myself into two individuals: “Indian” and “non-Indian”. While I am fond of my Indian self, she cannot embody all of me. My emotions, thoughts, beliefs, etc., feel trapped inside a shell that childhood friends, families, relatives feel safe. 

So, do I choose safety, or mental peace? 

Or maybe I am little “home” sick… There is only so much south Asian social interaction one can handle… And this so-called reality may only be for a moment. We shall see. 

For now I am going to play this song on repeat for a while. http://open.spotify.com/track/1PzD8CQfJbJNRQys7kHqlf

A song that makes me feel gulity

“Gulity”…? What did I do to feel gulity? Sure, I am not the ideal embodiement of a human being: I lie, I judge, I crave uncesseary things, ectera… But I know that from my angle, I am trying to do well under the circumstances.  But what I do feel gulity lately is the amount of stress that I have placed on my mother’s shoulders in the last few days. I have been conversing with my mother about my desire to move out after college, and I believed it took a big toll on her. While she may be more liberal than most conservative parents, my actions have taken a toll. I think that every parent desires their kid to achieve something great, and I feel that I am letting her down by forgeing my own path in the world. But she handling herself well, and I cannot thank her enough… Maybe that is why I feel guilty; after all my actions, she accepts me for me. So, I know that this is a really sad song, but for me it is my apology to her, and a thank you note for letting me, be me … Maybe I should send her this message instead of posting this her… Hmmm… Oh well, here is me post!

A Song I Wish I Heard on the Radio

You know, I love to listen to songs in the car. Especially when the sun is going down. The moment when you roll down the windows and the fresh air rushing in the car and in your lungs, I feel my soul coming back to life. And the radio plays in the background while you stare at the distance; that is what I love. And there have been many songs played on the radio that capture that moment (I tip my hat to the radio jockeys out in the universe) but I think that this song captures that sense of melancholy. This song brings me back  to moments in the car where you think about everything or nothing… Or it could be my literal translation of the first line in the song and I have been dying to hear it on the radio. I am more corny than canned corn!

A Song That You Hear Often on the Radio

I know,I know! This song is super popular! I love this song as much as the next person! But they are going to play this song down into the grave if they do not stop playing this over and over again on the radio! I feel so bad that I may despise this song because the radio jockeys keep this song on loop… But I know that their will be another song that will be overplayed and I can listen to this song in peace!

My Favorite Song

Because I follow in the great Manda’s shoes, I also decided to pick my favorite song from my itunes. Maybe, my favorite song is hidden in my Spotify… We will never know! Anyways, I really feel that this song is up there because I have related to this song for so long. When I first heard the song, I was feeling sad about my life. And yes, It was the “boo-hoo” pity type of sad. Then, the chorus played… And I realized that I can’t change my situation, but I can change my view on it. So, I guess when I feel sad, I scroll down to this song, and play it… Its my pick-me-up song…