I guess that reality of entering the “real world” slammed into my face today. One of my favorite quotes in my quote book defined moments in my life after high school.
“I am not where I want to be, but thank god I am not where I used to be.”
I guess time must turn, and certain beliefs must alter with changes. But, is it necessary to change? My largest fear steams from my loss of self; the person I became due to my experiences in college. My desires in life do not fit this cookie cutter mold. And it is frustrating…
Because I divided myself into two individuals: “Indian” and “non-Indian”. While I am fond of my Indian self, she cannot embody all of me. My emotions, thoughts, beliefs, etc., feel trapped inside a shell that childhood friends, families, relatives feel safe.
So, do I choose safety, or mental peace?
Or maybe I am little “home” sick… There is only so much south Asian social interaction one can handle… And this so-called reality may only be for a moment. We shall see.
For now I am going to play this song on repeat for a while. http://open.spotify.com/track/1PzD8CQfJbJNRQys7kHqlf
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